Random Ashley

Sooo.....I have a baby

2011-12-07T10:30:00.001-06:00

Haha! I have the BEST intentions of keeping up with my blog, but dang.....life is just a TAD busy! I'll have 2 sections to this blog today....so get cozy, we have some catching up to do. Let's start off with this lil' hunk of burnin' love who has entered our lives. Hudson Howard Sewell. He is now just over 3 months. People weren't kidding when they said these babies grow fast! I'm pretty convinced that he already has an incredible personality. It's really starting to show this month.

His favorites right now include:

laughing out loud (only with Russell), http://youtu.be/qtcm-GVbsDE
cooing and "talking" to Mommy (which MELTS my heart),
sucking on his fist (yes, FIST....not just a few fingers...we're talking the WHOLE hand!...I'm guessing we're about to start teething? Russell cut his first tooth at 4 months! EEEK!),
rolling over to his back from his tummy,
holding his head up (not quite 100% mastery....but pretty dang close),
bath time is his favorite time of the day (he's just now starting to splash around and kick at the water)
and finally he is starting to grab things...and of course take them straight to his mouth.

A few more random facts about this lil' guy include:

he's wearing 3-6 months clothing,
he's eating around 6 oz every 3-4 hours,
he has cereal in his bottle first thing in the morning and before he goes to bed at night,
he also sleeps pretty much ALL through the night now (praise the Lord!!),
he stays with my mom and mother-in-law through the week (yes, I know....we are BEYOND blessed to have this arrangement!! Seriously....no one can love this baby like those two grandmas can! Oh, and no one can SPOIL this baby like those two women! lol!)
at his 2 month check up the Dr said his motor skills were like that of a 4 month old! (Yep, we've been convinced from the very start that he was "advanced." Okay...I'm kidding! Well....kinda ;)

So....there you have it....my perfect lil' man is doing great!

Now......for Part 2....."Motherhood"....dun dun duuunnnnnnn

Hardest. Job. Ever.

I'll be honest, I make it ten times harder on myself than I need to. That's because I tend to compare myself to other moms. A friend of mine shared a great quote with me the other day (she found it on Pinterest......freaking LOVE that site) Anyways, it said, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel." Wow, talk about TRUTH! That's truth I needed to hear in a big way. When it comes down to it I'm the perfect mom FOR Hudson. Yep, God specifically gave ME that job.

I also trust that God has given me wisdom and discernment so I can sift through the mass amounts of unsolicited advice that comes from random people during this crazy time in my life. You know, some of it is good and I use it and some is well.....not useful ;) That's a nice way to say it right? It does help that I was a teacher for 7+ years before I became a parent.....I've seen just about every parenting style. Again, some good and some well.....not useful ;) By no means am I a perfect parent....."There's no way to be a perfect mom, but there's a million ways to be a good one." (There's another Pinterest jewel!)

Thus leads me to the "Balance" portion of my life. Well, it's a little lopsided, but I CAN say it's getting better. Once I decided that I didn't need to DO EVERYTHING I was able to cope a little better. There were many "Dear God what the hell did I get myself into?" nights followed with days of no makeup, no brushed teeth, spit up on my clothes, just all around HOT MESS moments. I'm glad to say there were fewer of those days. I don't think people want to tell you how HARD this parenting/mother thing is. But dang I sure was lucky to have some of those "real" moms handy to let me know that I wasn't alone. Because here's the strange thing....you DO feel alone. Funny this is...women 'been havin' babies for EVER, but yet for some reason you feel like the only mother out there struggling. So...back to "real moms"....You know.....those types of moms that don't have it figured out either?? The real moms that admit they don't have it figured out?? Yah, they do exist and if you know some of those women HANG ON TO THEM for dear life! A real mom will let you cry, but will not let you waller in it....she'll also tell you to go brush your damn teeth ;)

Let me just get a few things off of my chest about breastfeeding. (I know that was random.... hence my blog name "Random Ashley") but wow you wanna feel like crap....try telling people that you weren't able to breastfeed, or that you didn't for very long?? Women suddenly turn into doctors diagnosing your problem and trying to "fix" you immediately because you have now endangered your child because you have....get ready for a NASTY word...."SUPPLEMENTED" your baby's diet with another nasty word...."FORMULA!!" I'm telling you.....I cried and cried and cried over this issue. I was made to feel like a monster because it wasn't workin' out for me and I was openly admitting this "failure." A Chiropractor that I was seeing basically compared me to the anti-christ because I was thinking about quiting early. He griped me out, told me Hudson was going to be infested with ear infections, etc. Yah, terrible. Breastfeeding was beyond miserable for me AND Hudson. After his first growth spurt I thought I was going to go insane. Not to mention....I could never stay ahead. I tried pumping but again...couldn't pump enough. Here we go....I'm going to say it....I hated it. It was not a bonding experience for me or Hudson. But here's the thing....I ADMIRE ANY MOM that gives it a shot and who is able to stick with it. I TOTALLY 100% believe in the benefits. I do give myself some credit though.....I was able to breastfeed for 4 weeks. Now, who's to say my next child won't be easier?? Maybe, I'll give it a shot then, but I will NOT tear myself down if it doesn't work out.

That's the thing.....it's so easy to tear ourselves up especially being a parent. My therapist (yes, I said therapist) asked me who I thought the perfect parent was. Well...."God, I guess??" That was the right answer. Well..."Think about God's children," began my therapist..."He created this beautiful garden for his children. It was so intimate that He actually walked WITH his children in the garden. Now....what did God's children do?" Answer: They fell into sin. "What did God's grandchildren do?" Answer: committed murder. "So.....would you criticize GOD on his parenting skills??" Oooooooo........I see. Yah, that really struck a chord with me. If anything, Hudson will have free will, he will eventually choose his own path, sure I can guide him along the way.....but just like me, he will have to make his own good or poor choices in life. In the meantime.....beating myself up for not being "perfect" will do us absolutely NO good.

Okay....this was not supposed to be a novel! If you're still reading THANK YOU!! Much love!!!

Really??? You just said WHAT??

2011-04-15T18:07:00.006-05:00

THE STUPID THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY TO PREGNANT WOMEN is truly amazing....really. You hear stories about it all the time. You don't think anything of it until YOU become the victim of these stupid unfiltered comments/insults.

This week has been FULL of idiotic comments such as today's latest:

(Background: Friday afternoon, I've marked kids' cards, exhausted, just NOT a pleasant afternoon)

Student's Grandmother: "So when is your baby due?"
Me:(happy smile) "September 5th."
Student's Grandmother: (look of horror with a gasp) "You are HUGE for September 5th!!"

So honestly what am I supposed to say? At the moment I'm stunned. Did she really just say that? So what do I do??? I cry my stupid eyes out for 30 minutes.

Just because you are a cute old lady that does NOT give you permission, or anybody else for that matter, to comment on my size.....even if I AM bigger than the broad side of a barn.

THURSDAY NIGHT:

(Background: Loud bossy girl comes into my Centergy class.....)

Girl: "Don't you teach over at 34th on Saturday mornings?
Me: (happy smile) "Yes."
Girl: (snotty look) "Well, I've taken your classes before but ummm......yah you looked a LOT different then." (as she points to her stomach making a large round motion with her arms)

So.....class begins. WHO has to stop in the middle of salutations, back, AND abs??? NOT ME. I may be pregnant but I can STILL do all of my class and I will ENSURE that YOU get a great workout too. Thankyouverymuch.....

Oh yah....

2011-03-20T18:55:00.004-05:00

So I guess I never made the "Blog Announcement" of I'm pregnant! So....I'm pregnant!! haha! I blogged so much about the process....but to be honest, finding out that the IUI procedure worked was shocking. Well, I take that back....it was TERRIFYING. I knew I was pregnant before I was even 4 weeks along! I felt like I had to make an announcement on facebook because we were so open about the process here on blogspot and facebook. Many people knew our story so I couldn't just NOT say anything about being pregnant!

First 12 weeks?? SUCH a roller coaster. I literally felt like I was walking on eggshells for the first 12 weeks. I had a huge case of "writer's block" so I couldn't blog about what I was going through. I couldn't even keep up with a pregnancy journal. I was overjoyed to be pregnant but very cautious too. I knew that when people asked me how far along I was... and I answered anything below 12 weeks I got a "look." It was that, "Oooo.....should you be announcing this so soon type of look." But then again, that could have been in my insecure head. I think when you've had a miscarriage the thought of "this could happen again" is always in the back of your mind. Never mind that I was actually having symptoms (unlike the first pregnancy) and I was being monitored almost every week by my doctor.....the thought was ALWAYS there.

****side note about first pregnancy: I technically miscarried at almost 12 weeks. I had never had a sonogram, just bloodwork to confirm that I was pregnant. When I started having the miscarriage they gave me an ultrasound at the ER which indicated I had a "blighted ovum." That's where a sack develops, but no baby inside. You get a positive pregnancy test, symptoms.....everything. If I would have had a sonogram early on, they would have detected the problem a lot sooner. Dr. Dorsett told us early on that a blighted ovum generally does not repeat itself.....so that always made me feel a little better.

Luckily I had an INCREDIBLE support system at home and at work. I felt like I had many people holding my hand the whole way through that first trimester.

Sooo.....fast forward to 16 weeks....where we are today!! The second trimester is SOOO much better. I have to admit that pregnancy can be pretty ummm....weird....but I LOVE it.

We find out what we're having on April 18th!! It seems like sooo far away but I've got plenty to keep me busy until then! Again....as always....thank you for the support and prayers! We have such fantastic friends and family! SO blessed :)

Awkward days

2010-12-15T16:16:00.003-06:00

Let's see....where did I leave off? Okay...multiple follicles=potential litter. Well, it turns out that I produced 2 good follicles for the procedure. No mini series for us just yet ;)

Saturday night (well, technically Sunday morning) at 1:30am Russ had to give me my biggest shot yet. I was a little antsy on this one because it was about 2 inches long. So this shot went in my rear. Lovely. Oh, but don't worry..."X" marked the spot. The nurse was so kind to draw a little X on my rear so we could inject it in the right place! lol Well, Russ was a champ because I didn't feel a thing! DONE with needles for now!!

Sooo...36 hours later.....Monday came around and we were totally pumped for our IUI. No one told me this was going to be the MOST. AWKWARD. DAY. OF. MY. LIFE. This is an open blog so I'll keep it PG and leave out some of the "fun" details....but let me just say......the "ever so wondered about cabinet" of nudey magazines EXIST!! Oh yes friends....you can go ahead and laugh. Russ and I did. The thing that's so cool about an IUI is that they take the sperm, wash it, then insert (only the good movers) closer to the egg being released. Something cool? My fabulous nurse even prayed before the procedure started!! We love Dendy and the staff at Dr Dorsett's office. The procedure itself was fine. A little uncomfortable at times but pretty painless and quick. Another funny moment? They sure did wrap me up like a burrito in a blanket and tip me upside down for 15 minutes!! Thank goodness for the website "Damn You Auto Correct"... Russ felt like I needed to laugh through the upside down waiting period. I couldn't have agreed more.....(damnyouautocorrect.com) in case you're interested.

From here I wait. We go in on the 27th to see if I'm preggers :) This could be the longest 2 weeks of my life. We've come this far publicly so we'll make the announcement of yes or no publicly too. So I'll keep ya updated. Thank you for all the encouraging words and PRAYERS!!! We appreciate every one of them!

Super Ovulation here we go.....

2010-12-06T15:00:00.002-06:00

I think I mentioned in my last post that we are taking the "Super Ovulation" route. Well....the journey through this treatment has started. I made it through a month of birth control. It was an emotional month. Nothing major.....just a lil' more on the sensitive side than normal. But now the waiting is over......here we go!

So....the shots.....dun dun duuuunnnn. Not gonna lie, I totally cried like a baby before the first shot. There's just something about holding a needle to your stomach that is a little unnerving. Lucky for me it's a small skinny needle so once I got over the fear of injecting myself I was good to go.....the actual injection didn't hurt at all! In fact, I didn't feel a thing! Whew! Oh, I'm also a lucky gal because I have the most supportive husband EVER! He was totally willing to step in there and give me the shot if I needed him too. Luckily he didn't have to. It took a good prayer from him and a tight squeeze before I just reached over and bam! DONE! So now it's not a big deal at all....just something I do every night before bed.

I had a doctor's appointment today to check my follicles. The nurse said everything looks okay. I seem to be producing more follicles than necessary which can lead to multiples (aka: a litter) So that's no bueno. They usually want 2 or 3 good sized follicles not 9 like I have on one side. This is called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which I had never heard of until today. Women with polycystic ovary syndrome may have trouble becoming pregnant due to infrequent or lack of ovulation. Soooo......that could explain some of this infertility business. If all the little follicles stay small and only 2 or 3 of them grow larger then I should be good to go. If not....then we have the option to stop the Super Ovulation cycle altogether OR go straight into IVF (invitro fertilization). I think at that point we would choose to move right into IVF.

So that's where we are today! Extremely hopeful and optimistic :) Thank you for the encouraging words and sweet prayers. We are SO incredibly blessed to have such great friends and relatives supporting us in this journey. I know a lot of this may be tmi....but I'm hoping that this story can one day be a ministry to somebody else in the same boat.

Thanks again! Much love!

Operation Baby Sewell

2010-11-01T16:58:00.003-05:00

So we met with our fertility specialist today, Dr. Dorsett. I have to say I really like her. She's nice but straight to the point. As this point in the game I don't need sugar coating or someone to hold my hand. We need a baby and a plan.

That's just what we got today. Here it is: I go on birth control for a month (I was a little bummed about that but I see the logic behind it now) We have to get control of my hormones so my body is ready for more medicine. That's the scary part. We opted for the "Super Ovulation" route. I'll go off of Clomid and basically I'll take a series of injections. I'm a little geeked out about giving myself a shot in the stomach but thank goodness Russ is here! He said he'll step in to give me the shots. Then after that we'll have an IUI. That's where they go in, extract the sperm, clean it, then insert it closer to the egg. Bada bing...bada boom. Then comes baby. The success rate is 35%. The rate for multiples is 30%. Yowzers. But hey, at this point we'll be more than happy to take multiples! Okay maybe just 2....sheesh, beggars can't be choosers though ;)

If this route fails then it's off to IVF. (Invitro fertilization)

But.... our belief is that the IUI and injections are going to work. I honestly believe that with all my heart. I'm excited to get started. Thank you for all the sweet encouraging words and prayers :) We are so blessed to have such fantastic family members and friends. I'll keep ya updated!

Infertility Adventure

2010-10-12T17:47:00.003-05:00

For many of you that know me, you know that I'm an open book. I've never had a problem with sharing my feelings or thoughts. So, it only seems natural that I would blog about the most frustrating thing in my life right now.....infertility.

Here's some background info: I've actually been playing this game on and off for 5 years. I became pregnant 3 years ago. Unfortunately it ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks. Devastating time for sure. So a year and a half later I decided to really "try again." I had surgery to check everything out. Tubes were just fine. Russ checked out A-Okay too. Nothing was "wrong." So we moved to the next step......Clomid. Well, it didn't work out so well. My emotions were a wreck. I just wasn't in a good place so I quit after 2 cycles. Sooooo.....here we are today.

I'm back on Clomid. I just started my 3rd round. You can only stay on Clomid for 6 cycles. Basically I'm dropping eggs like bombs over here but no pregnancy is taking place. Very frustrating. The medicine has funny side effects too. The most obvious one is the shaking. I shake like a crack head every day. It's almost comical. My doctor says it's because it's a steroid so my body is all amped up. You'd think that would help with losing weight.....negative flight tower. It's annoying....that's what it is. Don't get me wrong.....I'm willing to do whatever it takes to have a baby so I'm not trying to complain. There are some things in this process that suck.

Next step? Fertility specialist....Dr. Dorsett on November 1st. I'm totally pumped but a little nervous at the same time.

We have so many people praying for a little baby Sewell. If you are one of those people I truly thank you. I will accept any words of encouragement. scripture, and/or advice. Just don't tell me to "relax." I'm totally working on that and really my stress level is okay. I love my job, my marriage is better than ever, I have amazing family and friends....so life is pretty peachy. Oh, and don't tell me to "adopt because then you'll have a baby." Yes, people have said that. I would never adopt in order to get pregnant. That's silly.

I'm having total 100% faith that God is going to bless us with a child. I don't know how that baby is going to get here. Who knows.....3rd month could be a charm and we don't even have to see the specialist. I don't know. But if we do I'm okay with that too. I'm not giving up this time. Plus, God knows the perfect time for baby Sewell to rock this world. In the mean time I just have to go with the flow and be patient.

I'll keep ya updated!!

"Free from all the things that I used to be...."

2009-11-15T18:49:00.004-06:00

On a whim Russ and I have decided to sell our house. No plan. No clue to where we will go. Idea? Yes. I kinda enjoy the shock on people's faces when they ask, "Where are y'all going to go!!?" Our reply, "Hmmm, good question." (insert gasp and shocked expression)

So much of my life has been a "plan." Married, house, car, job, dog, cat, and 2.5 kids. Oh yah, and we live happily ever after. Well, that plan doesn't seem to be working for me these days. Somewhere along the way a beautiful wrench got thrown into "the plan." One that at first, I thought was wrecking my life. The same wrench now that has actually saved my life.

I went to the Artist Studio Tour today with Russ. Probably not a good idea for someone as "manic" as myself. It makes me want to sell everything I have, move to the mountains, and become an artist. (Well, maybe Russ could be the artist....I can draw some bad ass pictures with Crayola markers though ;) Actually, not many know that I have an artistic flair.....used to win art competitions and such.....I'm getting back into it now. I finally saw art today that made my soul feel at peace. It's been a while since I've allowed myself to see beauty and to actually feel it. (If that makes sense)

I can't help but wonder why we put things on a "time-line?" Those are actually words of wisdom from my older sister for me when I was going through all the fertility junk. I find myself asking that same question now. I have NO clue what this life has in store for me. I can make all the "plans" in the world but that doesn't mean that they will go according to MY desire. This sounds like a pessimistic or anarchy outlook on life, but really it's not. Certain plans are good..."I plan on getting dressed this morning. Yes, good for me and everyone." ;) haha.....

I'm "chasing pavements" that may not lead to anywhere, but I keep chasing in search for the beauty that I know this life has to offer. Sometimes it's obvious and slaps you in the face, but most of the time you have to look closely and be patient. That's why I've missed so many beautiful moments (aka: total lack of patience) I was in such a rush for the next best thing that I couldn't see what was happening in the "now." It's usually in the "unplanned" moments that we discover something unique, challenging, or inspiring about ourselves. Yah, that would sum up the last 2 years of my life. Gotta love that "quarter life crisis."

I'm learning to appreciate those unplanned moments. It's not always easy. Hmmm, let's throw in some more "cliche quotes...." a personal favorite: Life is a journey not a destination. My journey is certainly a ride ;)

To wrap up my day today while sitting at a stop light on 34th Street......words from John Mayer:

"Who says I can't be free
From all of the things that I used to be
Rewrite my history
Who says I can't be free"

Amen ;)

When a "Sandstorm" moved in....

2009-09-22T18:36:00.003-05:00

Conversation with parent 2 minutes before the bell:

Me: Good morning, this is Mrs. Sewell....
Parent: Ashley, just to let you know my child is bringing in a snake that she caught over the weekend. She has it in a container.
Me: Uhhhh...okay. How secure is the container?
Parent: Secure. I just thought I would give you a heads up.
Me: ****silent thought to myself: "deep breath, deep breath...@!!#@****

So here comes my little "friend" (that's the name for all my students) as happy as she can be! (Yes, one of my GIRLS caught this snake!!) I look at the little thing and shout "Dear Lord! Is that a RATTLE SNAKE!!???" She says, "Oh no Mrs. Sewell. It's a Bull Snake."

Our day goes on....Our snake seems content in his little plastic container chillin' out with his uneaten legless cricket friend (snack) who continues to twitch when I walk by. (gross) Here's the kicker and where people think I'm just being "soooo cool." Actually, this is where I'm a COMPLETE sucker! Or, I need to talk to my Dr. about my current medication working TOO well..(is THAT even possible?) I look into this precious child's eyes as she tells me that her mom and dad said NO WAY to the snake staying with them. In fact, the mother wouldn't even let her bring it in the house! (Gasp!!!) In this moment of weakness is where I say, "Ohhhh well, I guess we can keep him here. We have a great animal program so I'm sure we can get him a SECURE container. But, under NO circumstances will I touch, feed, or love on that thing. YOU will take care of him." Of course she promises to be totally responsible for our new pet...then I watch her float off on cloud 9....

****Flashback: Remember when you were a kid and you begged and pleaded for a puppy? You SWORE that you would take care of it, love it, walk it, play with it, oh and pick up it's poop. Yah, what happened 2 weeks later? Uh huh...you get where I'm headed with this. I fell for the OLDEST trick in the book...the promise to take care of a pet ;)*****

Well, "Sandstorm" is the newest addition to my classroom. I didn't discuss this living arrangement with my current salamander, Striper. Nor did I consult with the 2 box turtles, Leonardo and Michelangelo. (remind me to tell you a story about the 2 "easy" turtles I was suckered into this year as well....I'm seeing a pattern here) But after a current background check on this Bull Snake I made some startling discoveries that are SURE to terrify my current pets:

Bull Snake Background Check Results:

one of the most temperamental snakes of their kind..they are known for their "bad attitudes"

they will exceed (yes, I said exceed) 6 feet LONG..making them one of the largest snakes in the US

eat small mammals (like a kitten) and oh....baby snakes. We should have named him "Jeffery"

it also cross dresses as a rattlesnake and likes to IMITATE them too ;)

So there you have it....."Sandstorm" the Bull snake has blown on in. I was told today that we can only keep him for a year and that ALL children will have to wear gloves to hold him (bad attitude=biter) Great.

Thank you for all the HILARIOUS comments on my facebook! I'll keep you updated on the Wild Kingdom that I call "my classroom"....

Maccarroni on the side, spilled juice in the middle

2009-09-15T21:02:00.003-05:00

I don't know what it is about fall that gets me so chatty. I laughed when I started feeling all "bloggy" tonight and I noticed that I started my blogspot in September of '08. And well, the fire usually dies out in ohhhhh December. But dang it, I have some stuff to say until then!!

It must be because I feel all "older" and "wiser" (since my birthday uhh.....well "birthday week" is in September) So here is a wiser blab....well, more like a mini-vent that I just need to "type" off my chest ;) It has a crazy happy ending though...

This year is a little "wowish" meaning I only have 2 years left in my 20's. "Not a big deal," you say??? Oh but it is. I'm pretty much the ONLY 28 year old in my circle of friends (with the exception of a few precious jewels that are in this boat with me) who have not jumped on the "mommy train." That hasn't been by choice either. Well, kinda. I tried wrecking my mind and body with hormones. I turned into the ultimate over-hormoned obsessed psycho beast. Gained a glorious 15 pounds that I have YET to get off. (that's another blog topic) So....I guess you can say that "I've given up" tossed that dream out the window.....and before you DARE say, "Ohhh that's when IT happens!!!" DON'T. That saying is enough to make me punch a stranger in the face.

Okay, so you're probably thinking I'm a little bitter? Hmmm....not exactly. More like...in limbo, at a standstill, paused, but yet strangely okay, and slowly moving forward in an excited anxious way. Doesn't make sense, huh? Welcome to my life. Kinda fed up with the "decoding" that takes place with God. I had such a great conversation with one of my "non mommy friends" that really made me think. I'm not necessarily mad at God, just sorta spent...ya know? I'm tired of trying to decode all the messages, hear the illusive voice that doesn't seem to want to talk back, tired of "figuring out what this all means." etc. Don't get me wrong, I totally believe in Jesus, Holy Spirit, and God. I've been on both sides of the spectrum with spirituality......wild as all get out as far as I could get during one phase, then another phase where I was the girl who carried her Bible in her purse (with Tobi Mac blaring in my headphones) BOTH extremes weren't really "ME." So here I am, trying to find the balance, which is not easy. Another friend slapped me in the face the other night (without even knowing it) about my prayer life with God. She told me about how foolish it is to think that OUR plan is the SAME as HIS!!! Well.....DUH!!! Why didn't I think of that!? So why am I constantly WANTING something?? My prayers usually consist of "God, why are you wrecking my life and not giving me what I THINK I want???" Yah, ouch...petty stuff....Just like a little kid who doesn't understand that they can't eat candy for every meal. You get where I'm going.

So...28 and no kids. You know...my plan just might be different than the "typical female" design. I love love love all my mommy friends and I learn so much from them every day but I have to stop comparing my life to theirs. I can't crawl into a corner when another friend pops up pregnant. I have to stop thinking that I'm worth less because I can't have my own child. I have to stop thinking I'm the defect. I'd like to think that God has a REALLY good sense of humor with me. His design for my life is unique. I'm not like the other kids. Never have been. Never will be. That's a beautiful messy thing. You know how you look at a painting made from a toddler or small child? The colors are all blended together, out of the lines, and well...messy, but yet so thought provoking and strangely beautiful? Yah, I wouldn't mind being compared to one of those paintings. I think God has JUST that picture of me on his fridge, with a maccaronni stain on the corner and some spilled juice in the middle. He smiles every time He sees it too....... ;)

Thank You Boys

2008-11-04T18:13:00.003-06:00

I admire boys.

No, this is not your typical "bash the male species" blog...this is a more or less "I'm thankful for men moments." Why did I have this strange epiphany? I mean don't get me wrong...I have my total "Ugh, you've got to be kidding me moments" with men (I know I know...even with Russell ;)....but today I felt like giving them props.

What do I admire about males?

Well, for one....they can totally pee standing up, but that's a different story. Men in general tell it like it is. For example, if another male becomes frustrated with another male they generally:
A. confront the other bluntly ("Dude...what's up with _______?")
B. fist fight and get over it
C. brush it off and go on.
In the end....no matter what option they choose they can totally get over their crap and go get a beer in the end.

Women? Noooooooo freakin' way. We get mad at each other or have our feelings hurt by the other and:
A. hold a grudge till death (usually over a simple misunderstanding and lack of communication)
B. talk crap behind each other's back
C. lie and say we're not mad but continue to act like a wet cat
D. ignore the other on purpose
E. you know as well as I do this list could go on and on and on and on......we are creative in our ways to "get back"for hurt feelings...

This is not true for every female....but in "general" we are known for being "catty." I'm discovering however, the older I get, the less time I have to play into snippy female drama. I've totally had my fair share and started plenty...I'll admit. But now, I'm learning to let the small stuff go...not saying all the time because let's face it....we ARE wired differently than men and I have short circuits....and yes estrogen can wreck your world. But does that wiring really have to be frayed all the time and so quickly? Do we have to get in a tizzy and immediately result to A,B,C,D or E?

Let's just tell it like it is...say what's up without resulting to A,B,C,D, or E....if I tick you off let me know... and let's go get a beer.

Thank you boys.....especially to the boys who recognize that yes, we are "gentle" creatures but encourage us to grow some thicker skin every now and then.

On the verge....

2008-10-12T13:06:00.003-05:00

I can't really say it's a "quarter life crisis"....I had that when I turned 25, my hair started turning brown so I cut it off...thus starting the "I'm going to change my cut and color every 5 weeks trend."

So what is this urge to wear giant plastic earrings, 50 bracelets, strange clothes (that are border line unprofessional being a 2nd grade teacher) AND have ANOTHER urge to just cut all my hair off again...not to mention the urge to go crazy on a few new tattoos???

The strangest urge is the one where I'm looking for a new job. And not just another teaching job. I mean a new career..... Honestly it has nothing to do with where I teach, nor the people I teach with. I couldn't be more blessed to be where I'm at. I'm in a great highly sought after district and I teach with my best friends. But yet.......I'm starting to feel smothered. Like I'm a big ol' lump of mashed potatoes with 20 lbs of gravy pouring on top of me and I can't break free. Maybe it's just the "stress" but don't we have that in ANY career? Why is mine so pressing all of a sudden? Why do I feel like I can't breath in the morning when I'm on my way to work? I think it's because I get told how to do my job every day by "unqualified" people ....either by people who haven't sat in a classroom in the last 20 years or by parents who don't trust a single decision I make....and not to mention a scary generation that is being taught that it is "all about them"....anything they want they can have...scary...

Do you remember getting in trouble as a kid in school? I was a lil' chatty..imagine that...and well, when my teacher got on to me you could BET I was in trouble when I got home. There were no questions about the teachers intent....I broke a rule and my parents were on that teacher's side no matter what...not to mention my lil' butt was getting a well deserved spanking when I got home. NOT today. Good grief....if a child gets in trouble you as a teacher better have a 5 page report typed up on why they got in trouble, get ready to hear from that parent with a 20 minute phone call and you know another phone call that will go to the principal, documentation of what the child's emotional status was at the time, and a pro-active self improvement plan for the child. Oh, and what kind of "trouble" are we speakin' of? Lil' Johnny was talking in class so you marked his character card. Sheesh..I lawsuit is even pending for not allowing freedom of speech.

****Disclaimer: I really do have some amazing kids in my classroom and I think I'm a pretty darn good teacher. I've been blessed by many of these kids and their parents....sadly, our profession has an alarming turn-over rate...and the 5th year is when we see these good teachers jump ship****

I know that we are supposed to take one day at a time...I think the Bible even has a handy dandy scripture on that somewhere....but Oh my gosh....this is only my 4th year....I cannot simply fathom the next 30. I'll be bald. I feel like I'm in a room with 20 barn yard animals trying to get the chickens to act like cows, and trying to make cows grow wings.

My hubby wrote a blog a couple of weeks ago about pursuing our passions and our dreams.

I'm pursuing something different with an education degree.....

Playlist...

2008-10-05T11:18:00.005-05:00

My husband refers to me as the "music snob"....there are many reasons for that, one being that I'm just a music junkie and I know more music than he does....he...he...not to mention I like to laugh at him when he tries to sing the words to a song that he doesn't know. (secretly....I do the same thing...make up my own words...I just don't do it around anyone else) I would say that I have an extensive collection of random hodge-podge music interests...imagine that, me...random.

I don't buy whole albums...I pick and chose what I like...then click that "cheap" 99cent button on itunes...and voila! Oh gosh...and when i-tunes came out with Genius..that rocked my whole freakin' world right there.

Finding new music is pretty much my best day. Goin' to listen to live music is even better.

Right now I'm way into the "female angry/sometimes calm indie rock".....and a few mellow male tunes too....but mostly stickin' with my comfort in the indie genre...fall is my mellow season.

So....I'm always curious to know what my other friends are listening to???? What's on your playlist??

Here are my new favorite finds:

The WHOLE entire album 19 by Adele . (I know...I don't buy albums but this one is uh-freakin'-mazing)
Last Request by Paolo Nutini
Starlight by Muse
Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John
All That You Have is Your Soul by Tracy Chapman
I Turn My Camera On by Spoon
She's Only Happy in the Sun by Ben Harper
Hide and Seek, Clear the Area, and Goodnight and Go by Imogen Heap
Hold You in my Arms by Ray LaMontagne
Trying to Put Your Heart Back Together by Mermaids
They, and Come on Closer by Jem
Giving Up by Ingrid Mechaelson
Sweeter Than This by Katie Herzig
Silver Lining by Rilo Kiley

Professional Babysitter

2008-10-01T22:26:00.004-05:00

A friend referred to my 2nd grade students today as....and I quote....

"ankle biting curtain climbers"

I couldn't have laughed harder....

My students are really precious on most days. But, you think I babysit all day? Come and watch. Oh yah....and don't mind that I went to college for 4 years to teach...."aaaaaaannnnnny body" can sit around and watch 22 kids ;)

On weeks like this I could switch professions...."Would you like paper or plastic??" Hmph...

Wrist bands....

2008-09-28T10:04:00.004-05:00

That's what I woke up with this morning. I mean 4 different ones to be exact. You know...the kind that will potentially rip your arm hair out if not put on carefully. (and there's usually some idiot who doesn't know that I'm related to a blonde teen wolf.....so I usually get a free wax job the next morning) Who even knows where all these bands came from and why I had to be branded like a 6 year old at Disney Land at the music festival last night. I have some theories...Idk....

Anyways....this morning as I decided to update all my current social networking sights I had a funny little thought.....Do you remember when you were a little kid and you would totally SAVE and KEEP wearing those wrist bands from like Six Flags or PTA meetings? I mean those things weren't coming off until they ROTTED off...the more you had the better, the "cooler" you appeared. (Oh gosh...I hope I'm not the only one who did that)

I guess as a professional (aka: "adult") that would be tacky...funny...but still tacky to keep those wrist bands on. That gave me such a good lil' chuckle....

West Nile in your face.....

2008-09-22T21:47:00.004-05:00

You know it's going to be a long disgusting softball game when in the first 15 minutes the game is almost called for MOSQUITOES!?? I've played ball since I was 7 years old and I've nearly been struck my lightening and STILL had to keep playing....so calling a game for blood sucking West Nile carrying critters? Oh, I HAAAAD to rant about this. Yah, and we're not talking about just a few here and there.....imagine if you will gnats and how they swarm around a rotten piece of fruit....well, replace the gnats with mosquitoes the size of baby bats and replace the rotten fruit with your freakin' face.

We even took baths in OFF....like spraying in your face and all inside your shirt...so you can imagine my shock when I stripped down to take a shower and I had at least 20 red bumps all over my body. Dang.....I'm not scared of cancerous microwaves now......someone hand me a plastic bottle of water that's been in my car....I'm freakin' hard core now.

I was hungry before the game....I'm a little concerned that now I'm not.....there's a possibility that I reached my protein intake tonight in mosquitoes.

Dear God, please do not let me grow a third eye tonight in my sleep. Amen.

THAT girl....

2008-09-21T17:33:00.003-05:00

"THAT" girl is a funny lil' nickname a few friends and I have adopted for when we do the stupid things in life. You know what I'm talking about....while talking with a friend you might have said something like, "Well, THAT girl over there....blah, blah...." I do it all the time....and I've even referred to myself as "THAT girl" on numerous embarrasing occasions. So how many "THAT girl" moments have I had in my life? I wonder what kind of "THAT girl" category I fall into when people see me, or even the friends who know me? Probably too many to count and I'm sure some are quite humorous...

I do know for certain that right now.....

I am THAT girl who:

laughs at the wrong time...
snorts at awkward times...
inserts her foot in her mouth too many times to count...
spends beyond her means in itunes dollars...
loves the "shock value" of changing my hair color...
has been known to start a few trends or two....
is not really on the "church" bandwagon right now...
will not try to figure out everything God does...
really believes her pets are her children...
chooses beer over fruity drinks...
secretly wouldn't mind being a vampire ;)....
listens to her music WAY too loud....
who prays the best while alone in the bathroom....
is still a little gullible...
is actually madly in love with her husband...
will thank God when there is a beautiful sunset...
believes He painted it just for me...
really USED to think she had this life figured out...
knows NOW that I don't have a clue...
is finally okay with that...

Biggest Freak....

2008-09-17T20:47:00.004-05:00

I've noticed my titles are a lil' on the scandalous side here lately....

Those of you that know me know that I LOVE the Biggest Loser. I mean really, if you thought I was obsessed with vampires (well, you're right on that) but believe it or not I have yet another obsession!!! It's weird because I have never been morbidity obese but yet I laugh, cry, cringe, gasp, and cheer with the contestants every week. (sheesh....you're probably wondering what I'm like with vampires...well, Russell wears band aids to cover the "marks"....jk) At one point I was 30 pounds heavier. With the help of Weight Watchers and working out I've managed to keep the wobbly bits to a minimum....

Tonight at Lujans a friend of Tiffany's started talking to me about weight loss and how she wanted to get back into the swing of things.....I lit up like a dad-gum Christmas Tree....(oh, how I longed to reach over and snatch that juicy chicken quesadilla out of her hand and shove it in my mouth though.....but instead I ate my chicken salad) Okay...anyways....we just got to talking about health, me teaching at the gym, watching Biggest Loser, etc. And out of the blue she said "Why don't you really pursue this?? You could own your own business doing this." Hmph...honestly if I had another dream job (because I really DO love my Second Graders...except when it comes to teaching skip counting) I would LOVE to work for a wellness cooperation. I would actually enjoy going into businesses and talking about health and fitness, lifestyle changes, etc. (For now I'll just have to live vicariously through Twiggy when she gets done at Arizona State)

Basically if I can just be a personal cheerleader to someone who is wanting to lose weight or wanting to live a healthy lifestyle I'm totally on FIRE. I don't think there are many positions under that title though.....

Personal disclaimer.....I am by NO means a health guru....I try to live a "normal" life and practice moderation. I struggle just like the next girl who is battling a dreaded muffin top. I'm just sayin'.....

The dreaded "cup".....

2008-09-14T15:05:00.000-05:00

I just have to say first and foremost that women are NOT designed to pee in a cup. If you are a woman, you are probably giggling and you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

I had to go to the doctor today...nothing major, but still a lil' too personal for the world of blogging (especially since I have NO clue who is reading this) So anyways...I went to the doctor. I get the cup and the 5,000 directions then I'm left alone in the bathroom with secret doors and windows that you are certain are going to burst open unexpectedly....well I start having anxiety that I am going to completely screw this up...I'm forgetting the vague directions...please don't let the creepy window/door burst open while I'm doing this insanely awkward thing...but I will not DARE ask for help. Let me just say that this cup is not the size of a bowl (which I think would be easier) but this cup is more like a thimble.... (okay, I'm slightly exaggerating) But you have certain lines you have to reach. I've always wondered...what if I couldn't reach the quota? Would I have to sit in the bathroom and wait for round 2? So let's not get into all the details because ladies..."you know" oooohhhhh "you know" what I'm talkin' about...so we'll skip the next events. Once the belittling event of my day is over I decide once and for all....woman ARE NOT designed to pee in a cup.

I have a feeling that a man came up with the whole pee in a cup solution. This is the time that I envy a man that has aim and direction....when pertaining to bathroom situations.

I was just on the phone with my older sis, she asked me if I had come up with a solution to this "issue"....well, of course not. So what do you do with random situations like these??? ....blog ;)

And here we go...

2008-09-13T23:34:00.000-05:00

So it's that easy? 1, 2, 3.....you're ready to blog. Don't really know where I'm going with this, nor do I know who actually reads these. But I DO know that I simply HAD to have one more social networking notch to add to my belt ;) Blogspot could only be the next option....

Mmmmm....right now I'm just curious to see how this thing works, so these are not my deepest thoughts about life (ha)...those are sure to come later. I'll keep it light for now.