Sooo.....I have a baby

Haha! I have the BEST intentions of keeping up with my blog, but dang.....life is just a TAD busy!  I'll have 2 sections to this blog today....so get cozy, we have some catching up to do. Let's start off with this lil' hunk of burnin' love who has entered our lives. Hudson Howard Sewell.  He is now just over 3 months.  People weren't kidding when they said these babies grow fast!  I'm pretty convinced that he already has an incredible personality. It's really starting to show this month.

His favorites right now include: 

• laughing out loud (only with Russell), http://youtu.be/qtcm-GVbsDE
• cooing and "talking" to Mommy (which MELTS my heart), 
• sucking on his fist (yes, FIST....not just a few fingers...we're talking the WHOLE hand!...I'm guessing we're about to start teething? Russell cut his first tooth at 4 months! EEEK!), 
• rolling over to his back from his tummy, 
• holding his head up (not quite 100% mastery....but pretty dang close),
• bath time is his favorite time of the day (he's just now starting to splash around and kick at the water) 
• and finally he is starting to grab things...and of course take them straight to his mouth. 

A few more random facts about this lil' guy include:

• he's wearing 3-6 months clothing, 
• he's eating around 6 oz every 3-4 hours,  
• he has cereal in his bottle first thing in the morning and before he goes to bed at night, 
• he also sleeps pretty much ALL through the night now (praise the Lord!!), 
• he stays with my mom and mother-in-law through the week (yes, I know....we are BEYOND blessed to have this arrangement!!  Seriously....no one can love this baby like those two grandmas can! Oh, and no one can SPOIL this baby like those two women! lol!) 
• at his 2 month check up the Dr said his motor skills were like that of a 4 month old!  (Yep, we've been convinced from the very start that he was "advanced."  Okay...I'm kidding!  Well....kinda ;)

So....there you have it....my perfect lil' man is doing great!  

Now......for Part 2....."Motherhood"....dun dun duuunnnnnnn

Hardest. Job. Ever.

I'll be honest, I make it ten times harder on myself than I need to. That's because I tend to compare myself to other moms.  A friend of mine shared a great quote with me the other day (she found it on Pinterest......freaking LOVE that site)  Anyways, it said, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."  Wow, talk about TRUTH!  That's truth I needed to hear in a big way.  When it comes down to it I'm the perfect mom FOR Hudson. Yep, God specifically gave ME that job.  

I also trust that God has given me wisdom and discernment so I can sift through the mass amounts of unsolicited advice that comes from random people during this crazy time in my life. You know, some of it is good and I use it and some is well.....not useful ;)  That's a nice way to say it right?  It does help that I was a teacher for 7+ years before I became a parent.....I've seen just about every parenting style.  Again, some good and some well.....not useful ;)  By no means am I a perfect parent....."There's no way to be a perfect mom, but there's a million ways to be a good one." (There's another Pinterest jewel!) 

Thus leads me to the "Balance" portion of my life.  Well,  it's a little lopsided, but I CAN say it's getting better.  Once I decided that I didn't need to DO EVERYTHING I was able to cope a little better.  There were many "Dear God what the hell did I get myself into?" nights followed with days of no makeup, no brushed teeth, spit up on my clothes, just all around HOT MESS moments.  I'm glad to say there were fewer of those days.  I don't think people want to tell you how HARD this parenting/mother thing is.  But dang I sure was lucky to have some of those "real" moms handy to let me know that I wasn't alone.   Because here's the strange thing....you DO feel alone.  Funny this is...women 'been havin' babies for EVER, but yet for some reason you feel like the only mother out there struggling.  So...back to "real moms"....You know.....those types of moms that don't have it figured out either??  The real moms that admit they don't have it figured out??  Yah, they do exist and if you know some of those women HANG ON TO THEM for dear life!   A real mom will let you cry, but will not let you waller in it....she'll also tell you to go brush your damn teeth ;)  

Let me just get a few things off of my chest about breastfeeding. (I know that was random.... hence my blog name "Random Ashley")  but wow you wanna feel like crap....try telling people that you weren't able to breastfeed, or that you didn't for very long??  Women suddenly turn into doctors diagnosing your problem and trying to "fix" you immediately because you have now endangered your child because you have....get ready for a NASTY word...."SUPPLEMENTED" your baby's diet with another nasty word...."FORMULA!!"  I'm telling you.....I cried and cried and cried over this issue. I was made to feel like a monster because it wasn't workin' out for me and I was openly admitting this "failure."  A Chiropractor that I was seeing basically compared me to the anti-christ because I was thinking about quiting early.  He griped me out, told me Hudson was going to be infested with ear infections, etc.  Yah, terrible.  Breastfeeding was beyond miserable for me AND Hudson.  After his first growth spurt I thought I was going to go insane.  Not to mention....I could never stay ahead. I tried pumping but again...couldn't pump enough.  Here we go....I'm going to say it....I hated it.  It was not a bonding experience for me or Hudson.  But here's the thing....I ADMIRE ANY MOM that gives it a shot and who is able to stick with it.  I TOTALLY 100% believe in the benefits. I do give myself some credit though.....I was able to breastfeed for 4 weeks.  Now, who's to say my next child won't be easier??  Maybe, I'll give it a shot then, but I will NOT tear myself down if it doesn't work out.

That's the thing.....it's so easy to tear ourselves up especially being a parent.  My therapist (yes, I said therapist)  asked me who I thought the perfect parent was.  Well...."God, I guess??"  That was the right answer.  Well..."Think about God's children," began my therapist..."He created this beautiful garden for his children. It was so intimate that He actually walked WITH his children in the garden. Now....what did God's children do?"  Answer: They fell into sin.  "What did God's grandchildren do?"  Answer: committed murder.  "So.....would you criticize GOD on his parenting skills??"   Oooooooo........I see.  Yah, that really struck a chord with me.  If anything, Hudson will have free will, he will eventually choose his own path, sure I can guide him along the way.....but just like me, he will have to make his own good or poor choices in life. In the meantime.....beating myself up for not being "perfect" will do us absolutely NO good. 


Okay....this was not supposed to be a novel!  If you're still reading THANK YOU!! Much love!!!

Really??? You just said WHAT??

THE STUPID THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY TO PREGNANT WOMEN is truly amazing....really. You hear stories about it all the time. You don't think anything of it until YOU become the victim of these stupid unfiltered comments/insults.

This week has been FULL of idiotic comments such as today's latest:

(Background: Friday afternoon, I've marked kids' cards, exhausted, just NOT a pleasant afternoon)

Student's Grandmother: "So when is your baby due?"
Me:(happy smile) "September 5th."
Student's Grandmother: (look of horror with a gasp) "You are HUGE for September 5th!!"

So honestly what am I supposed to say? At the moment I'm stunned. Did she really just say that? So what do I do??? I cry my stupid eyes out for 30 minutes.

Just because you are a cute old lady that does NOT give you permission, or anybody else for that matter, to comment on my size.....even if I AM bigger than the broad side of a barn.

THURSDAY NIGHT:

(Background: Loud bossy girl comes into my Centergy class.....)

Girl: "Don't you teach over at 34th on Saturday mornings?
Me: (happy smile) "Yes."
Girl: (snotty look) "Well, I've taken your classes before but ummm......yah you looked a LOT different then." (as she points to her stomach making a large round motion with her arms)

So.....class begins. WHO has to stop in the middle of salutations, back, AND abs??? NOT ME. I may be pregnant but I can STILL do all of my class and I will ENSURE that YOU get a great workout too. Thankyouverymuch.....

Oh yah....

So I guess I never made the "Blog Announcement" of I'm pregnant! So....I'm pregnant!! haha! I blogged so much about the process....but to be honest, finding out that the IUI procedure worked was shocking. Well, I take that back....it was TERRIFYING. I knew I was pregnant before I was even 4 weeks along! I felt like I had to make an announcement on facebook because we were so open about the process here on blogspot and facebook. Many people knew our story so I couldn't just NOT say anything about being pregnant!

First 12 weeks?? SUCH a roller coaster. I literally felt like I was walking on eggshells for the first 12 weeks. I had a huge case of "writer's block" so I couldn't blog about what I was going through. I couldn't even keep up with a pregnancy journal. I was overjoyed to be pregnant but very cautious too. I knew that when people asked me how far along I was... and I answered anything below 12 weeks I got a "look." It was that, "Oooo.....should you be announcing this so soon type of look." But then again, that could have been in my insecure head. I think when you've had a miscarriage the thought of "this could happen again" is always in the back of your mind. Never mind that I was actually having symptoms (unlike the first pregnancy) and I was being monitored almost every week by my doctor.....the thought was ALWAYS there.

****side note about first pregnancy: I technically miscarried at almost 12 weeks. I had never had a sonogram, just bloodwork to confirm that I was pregnant. When I started having the miscarriage they gave me an ultrasound at the ER which indicated I had a "blighted ovum." That's where a sack develops, but no baby inside. You get a positive pregnancy test, symptoms.....everything. If I would have had a sonogram early on, they would have detected the problem a lot sooner. Dr. Dorsett told us early on that a blighted ovum generally does not repeat itself.....so that always made me feel a little better.

Luckily I had an INCREDIBLE support system at home and at work. I felt like I had many people holding my hand the whole way through that first trimester.

Sooo.....fast forward to 16 weeks....where we are today!! The second trimester is SOOO much better. I have to admit that pregnancy can be pretty ummm....weird....but I LOVE it.

We find out what we're having on April 18th!! It seems like sooo far away but I've got plenty to keep me busy until then! Again....as always....thank you for the support and prayers! We have such fantastic friends and family! SO blessed :)

Awkward days

Let's see....where did I leave off? Okay...multiple follicles=potential litter. Well, it turns out that I produced 2 good follicles for the procedure. No mini series for us just yet ;)

Saturday night (well, technically Sunday morning) at 1:30am Russ had to give me my biggest shot yet. I was a little antsy on this one because it was about 2 inches long. So this shot went in my rear. Lovely. Oh, but don't worry..."X" marked the spot. The nurse was so kind to draw a little X on my rear so we could inject it in the right place! lol Well, Russ was a champ because I didn't feel a thing! DONE with needles for now!!

Sooo...36 hours later.....Monday came around and we were totally pumped for our IUI. No one told me this was going to be the MOST. AWKWARD. DAY. OF. MY. LIFE. This is an open blog so I'll keep it PG and leave out some of the "fun" details....but let me just say......the "ever so wondered about cabinet" of nudey magazines EXIST!! Oh yes friends....you can go ahead and laugh. Russ and I did. The thing that's so cool about an IUI is that they take the sperm, wash it, then insert (only the good movers) closer to the egg being released. Something cool? My fabulous nurse even prayed before the procedure started!! We love Dendy and the staff at Dr Dorsett's office. The procedure itself was fine. A little uncomfortable at times but pretty painless and quick. Another funny moment? They sure did wrap me up like a burrito in a blanket and tip me upside down for 15 minutes!! Thank goodness for the website "Damn You Auto Correct"... Russ felt like I needed to laugh through the upside down waiting period. I couldn't have agreed more.....(damnyouautocorrect.com) in case you're interested.

From here I wait. We go in on the 27th to see if I'm preggers :) This could be the longest 2 weeks of my life. We've come this far publicly so we'll make the announcement of yes or no publicly too. So I'll keep ya updated. Thank you for all the encouraging words and PRAYERS!!! We appreciate every one of them!

Super Ovulation here we go.....

I think I mentioned in my last post that we are taking the "Super Ovulation" route. Well....the journey through this treatment has started. I made it through a month of birth control. It was an emotional month. Nothing major.....just a lil' more on the sensitive side than normal. But now the waiting is over......here we go!

So....the shots.....dun dun duuuunnnn. Not gonna lie, I totally cried like a baby before the first shot. There's just something about holding a needle to your stomach that is a little unnerving. Lucky for me it's a small skinny needle so once I got over the fear of injecting myself I was good to go.....the actual injection didn't hurt at all! In fact, I didn't feel a thing! Whew! Oh, I'm also a lucky gal because I have the most supportive husband EVER! He was totally willing to step in there and give me the shot if I needed him too. Luckily he didn't have to. It took a good prayer from him and a tight squeeze before I just reached over and bam! DONE! So now it's not a big deal at all....just something I do every night before bed.

I had a doctor's appointment today to check my follicles. The nurse said everything looks okay. I seem to be producing more follicles than necessary which can lead to multiples (aka: a litter) So that's no bueno. They usually want 2 or 3 good sized follicles not 9 like I have on one side. This is called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which I had never heard of until today. Women with polycystic ovary syndrome may have trouble becoming pregnant due to infrequent or lack of ovulation. Soooo......that could explain some of this infertility business. If all the little follicles stay small and only 2 or 3 of them grow larger then I should be good to go. If not....then we have the option to stop the Super Ovulation cycle altogether OR go straight into IVF (invitro fertilization). I think at that point we would choose to move right into IVF.

So that's where we are today! Extremely hopeful and optimistic :) Thank you for the encouraging words and sweet prayers. We are SO incredibly blessed to have such great friends and relatives supporting us in this journey. I know a lot of this may be tmi....but I'm hoping that this story can one day be a ministry to somebody else in the same boat.

Thanks again! Much love!

Operation Baby Sewell

So we met with our fertility specialist today, Dr. Dorsett. I have to say I really like her. She's nice but straight to the point. As this point in the game I don't need sugar coating or someone to hold my hand. We need a baby and a plan.

That's just what we got today. Here it is: I go on birth control for a month (I was a little bummed about that but I see the logic behind it now) We have to get control of my hormones so my body is ready for more medicine. That's the scary part. We opted for the "Super Ovulation" route. I'll go off of Clomid and basically I'll take a series of injections. I'm a little geeked out about giving myself a shot in the stomach but thank goodness Russ is here! He said he'll step in to give me the shots. Then after that we'll have an IUI. That's where they go in, extract the sperm, clean it, then insert it closer to the egg. Bada bing...bada boom. Then comes baby. The success rate is 35%. The rate for multiples is 30%. Yowzers. But hey, at this point we'll be more than happy to take multiples! Okay maybe just 2....sheesh, beggars can't be choosers though ;)

If this route fails then it's off to IVF. (Invitro fertilization)

But.... our belief is that the IUI and injections are going to work. I honestly believe that with all my heart. I'm excited to get started. Thank you for all the sweet encouraging words and prayers :) We are so blessed to have such fantastic family members and friends. I'll keep ya updated!

Infertility Adventure

For many of you that know me, you know that I'm an open book. I've never had a problem with sharing my feelings or thoughts. So, it only seems natural that I would blog about the most frustrating thing in my life right now.....infertility.

Here's some background info: I've actually been playing this game on and off for 5 years. I became pregnant 3 years ago. Unfortunately it ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks. Devastating time for sure. So a year and a half later I decided to really "try again." I had surgery to check everything out. Tubes were just fine. Russ checked out A-Okay too. Nothing was "wrong." So we moved to the next step......Clomid. Well, it didn't work out so well. My emotions were a wreck. I just wasn't in a good place so I quit after 2 cycles. Sooooo.....here we are today.

I'm back on Clomid. I just started my 3rd round. You can only stay on Clomid for 6 cycles. Basically I'm dropping eggs like bombs over here but no pregnancy is taking place. Very frustrating. The medicine has funny side effects too. The most obvious one is the shaking. I shake like a crack head every day. It's almost comical. My doctor says it's because it's a steroid so my body is all amped up. You'd think that would help with losing weight.....negative flight tower. It's annoying....that's what it is. Don't get me wrong.....I'm willing to do whatever it takes to have a baby so I'm not trying to complain. There are some things in this process that suck.

Next step? Fertility specialist....Dr. Dorsett on November 1st. I'm totally pumped but a little nervous at the same time.

We have so many people praying for a little baby Sewell. If you are one of those people I truly thank you. I will accept any words of encouragement. scripture, and/or advice. Just don't tell me to "relax." I'm totally working on that and really my stress level is okay. I love my job, my marriage is better than ever, I have amazing family and friends....so life is pretty peachy. Oh, and don't tell me to "adopt because then you'll have a baby." Yes, people have said that. I would never adopt in order to get pregnant. That's silly.

I'm having total 100% faith that God is going to bless us with a child. I don't know how that baby is going to get here. Who knows.....3rd month could be a charm and we don't even have to see the specialist. I don't know. But if we do I'm okay with that too. I'm not giving up this time. Plus, God knows the perfect time for baby Sewell to rock this world. In the mean time I just have to go with the flow and be patient.

I'll keep ya updated!!