Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Sooo.....I have a baby

Haha! I have the BEST intentions of keeping up with my blog, but is just a TAD busy!  I'll have 2 sections to this blog get cozy, we have some catching up to do. Let's start off with this lil' hunk of burnin' love who has entered our lives. Hudson Howard Sewell.  He is now just over 3 months.  People weren't kidding when they said these babies grow fast!  I'm pretty convinced that he already has an incredible personality. It's really starting to show this month.

His favorites right now include: 

  • laughing out loud (only with Russell),
  • cooing and "talking" to Mommy (which MELTS my heart), 
  • sucking on his fist (yes, FIST....not just a few fingers...we're talking the WHOLE hand!...I'm guessing we're about to start teething? Russell cut his first tooth at 4 months! EEEK!), 
  • rolling over to his back from his tummy, 
  • holding his head up (not quite 100% mastery....but pretty dang close),
  • bath time is his favorite time of the day (he's just now starting to splash around and kick at the water) 
  • and finally he is starting to grab things...and of course take them straight to his mouth. 

A few more random facts about this lil' guy include:
  • he's wearing 3-6 months clothing, 
  • he's eating around 6 oz every 3-4 hours,  
  • he has cereal in his bottle first thing in the morning and before he goes to bed at night, 
  • he also sleeps pretty much ALL through the night now (praise the Lord!!), 
  • he stays with my mom and mother-in-law through the week (yes, I know....we are BEYOND blessed to have this arrangement!! one can love this baby like those two grandmas can! Oh, and no one can SPOIL this baby like those two women! lol!) 
  • at his 2 month check up the Dr said his motor skills were like that of a 4 month old!  (Yep, we've been convinced from the very start that he was "advanced."  Okay...I'm kidding!  Well....kinda ;)
So....there you have perfect lil' man is doing great!  

Now......for Part 2....."Motherhood"....dun dun duuunnnnnnn

Hardest. Job. Ever.

I'll be honest, I make it ten times harder on myself than I need to. That's because I tend to compare myself to other moms.  A friend of mine shared a great quote with me the other day (she found it on Pinterest......freaking LOVE that site)  Anyways, it said, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."  Wow, talk about TRUTH!  That's truth I needed to hear in a big way.  When it comes down to it I'm the perfect mom FOR Hudson. Yep, God specifically gave ME that job.  

I also trust that God has given me wisdom and discernment so I can sift through the mass amounts of unsolicited advice that comes from random people during this crazy time in my life. You know, some of it is good and I use it and some is well.....not useful ;)  That's a nice way to say it right?  It does help that I was a teacher for 7+ years before I became a parent.....I've seen just about every parenting style.  Again, some good and some well.....not useful ;)  By no means am I a perfect parent....."There's no way to be a perfect mom, but there's a million ways to be a good one." (There's another Pinterest jewel!) 

Thus leads me to the "Balance" portion of my life.  Well,  it's a little lopsided, but I CAN say it's getting better.  Once I decided that I didn't need to DO EVERYTHING I was able to cope a little better.  There were many "Dear God what the hell did I get myself into?" nights followed with days of no makeup, no brushed teeth, spit up on my clothes, just all around HOT MESS moments.  I'm glad to say there were fewer of those days.  I don't think people want to tell you how HARD this parenting/mother thing is.  But dang I sure was lucky to have some of those "real" moms handy to let me know that I wasn't alone.   Because here's the strange DO feel alone.  Funny this is...women 'been havin' babies for EVER, but yet for some reason you feel like the only mother out there struggling.  So...back to "real moms"....You know.....those types of moms that don't have it figured out either??  The real moms that admit they don't have it figured out??  Yah, they do exist and if you know some of those women HANG ON TO THEM for dear life!   A real mom will let you cry, but will not let you waller in it....she'll also tell you to go brush your damn teeth ;)  

Let me just get a few things off of my chest about breastfeeding. (I know that was random.... hence my blog name "Random Ashley")  but wow you wanna feel like crap....try telling people that you weren't able to breastfeed, or that you didn't for very long??  Women suddenly turn into doctors diagnosing your problem and trying to "fix" you immediately because you have now endangered your child because you have....get ready for a NASTY word...."SUPPLEMENTED" your baby's diet with another nasty word...."FORMULA!!"  I'm telling you.....I cried and cried and cried over this issue. I was made to feel like a monster because it wasn't workin' out for me and I was openly admitting this "failure."  A Chiropractor that I was seeing basically compared me to the anti-christ because I was thinking about quiting early.  He griped me out, told me Hudson was going to be infested with ear infections, etc.  Yah, terrible.  Breastfeeding was beyond miserable for me AND Hudson.  After his first growth spurt I thought I was going to go insane.  Not to mention....I could never stay ahead. I tried pumping but again...couldn't pump enough.  Here we go....I'm going to say it....I hated it.  It was not a bonding experience for me or Hudson.  But here's the thing....I ADMIRE ANY MOM that gives it a shot and who is able to stick with it.  I TOTALLY 100% believe in the benefits. I do give myself some credit though.....I was able to breastfeed for 4 weeks.  Now, who's to say my next child won't be easier??  Maybe, I'll give it a shot then, but I will NOT tear myself down if it doesn't work out.

That's the's so easy to tear ourselves up especially being a parent.  My therapist (yes, I said therapist)  asked me who I thought the perfect parent was.  Well...."God, I guess??"  That was the right answer.  Well..."Think about God's children," began my therapist..."He created this beautiful garden for his children. It was so intimate that He actually walked WITH his children in the garden. Now....what did God's children do?"  Answer: They fell into sin.  "What did God's grandchildren do?"  Answer: committed murder.  "So.....would you criticize GOD on his parenting skills??"   Oooooooo........I see.  Yah, that really struck a chord with me.  If anything, Hudson will have free will, he will eventually choose his own path, sure I can guide him along the way.....but just like me, he will have to make his own good or poor choices in life. In the meantime.....beating myself up for not being "perfect" will do us absolutely NO good. 

Okay....this was not supposed to be a novel!  If you're still reading THANK YOU!! Much love!!!


Cayce said...

So, so proud of you Momma and I TOTALLY feel you on the breastfeeding thing. Trust your instincts- that baby is healthy and happy and so are you, that is all that matters! (Side note- I BF Maryn about 4 weeks and Bear about 6-8 and they are MUCH healthier than any children they are ever around, even those breastfed for over a year!!!)

kasogayle said...

You are an awesome momma!! We women need to stop judging each other and making assumptions about other people's patenting decisions. Hudson is happy and healthy. Thousands of babies who were not breastfed have grown up to be perfectly healthy, normal adults. Put that guilt behind you, girl!!!

Fortner Family said...

Your doing such a great job!!! Being a new mom is crazy in the first place. I remember having nightmares because I couldn't nurse Farrah. What if my car broke down and I can't feed my baby but then I just told myself, "If God can give a virgin a baby he will take care of me too." Your doing great and your right about parenting. You have to parent for Hudson and only Hudson. Your next baby will be so different. Now if I can just survive these two's with out loosing my mind..haha!!