Sunday, November 15, 2009

"Free from all the things that I used to be...."

On a whim Russ and I have decided to sell our house. No plan. No clue to where we will go. Idea? Yes. I kinda enjoy the shock on people's faces when they ask, "Where are y'all going to go!!?" Our reply, "Hmmm, good question." (insert gasp and shocked expression)

So much of my life has been a "plan." Married, house, car, job, dog, cat, and 2.5 kids. Oh yah, and we live happily ever after. Well, that plan doesn't seem to be working for me these days. Somewhere along the way a beautiful wrench got thrown into "the plan." One that at first, I thought was wrecking my life. The same wrench now that has actually saved my life.

I went to the Artist Studio Tour today with Russ. Probably not a good idea for someone as "manic" as myself. It makes me want to sell everything I have, move to the mountains, and become an artist. (Well, maybe Russ could be the artist....I can draw some bad ass pictures with Crayola markers though ;) Actually, not many know that I have an artistic flair.....used to win art competitions and such.....I'm getting back into it now. I finally saw art today that made my soul feel at peace. It's been a while since I've allowed myself to see beauty and to actually feel it. (If that makes sense)

I can't help but wonder why we put things on a "time-line?" Those are actually words of wisdom from my older sister for me when I was going through all the fertility junk. I find myself asking that same question now. I have NO clue what this life has in store for me. I can make all the "plans" in the world but that doesn't mean that they will go according to MY desire. This sounds like a pessimistic or anarchy outlook on life, but really it's not. Certain plans are good..."I plan on getting dressed this morning. Yes, good for me and everyone." ;) haha.....

I'm "chasing pavements" that may not lead to anywhere, but I keep chasing in search for the beauty that I know this life has to offer. Sometimes it's obvious and slaps you in the face, but most of the time you have to look closely and be patient. That's why I've missed so many beautiful moments (aka: total lack of patience) I was in such a rush for the next best thing that I couldn't see what was happening in the "now." It's usually in the "unplanned" moments that we discover something unique, challenging, or inspiring about ourselves. Yah, that would sum up the last 2 years of my life. Gotta love that "quarter life crisis."

I'm learning to appreciate those unplanned moments. It's not always easy. Hmmm, let's throw in some more "cliche quotes...." a personal favorite: Life is a journey not a destination. My journey is certainly a ride ;)

To wrap up my day today while sitting at a stop light on 34th Street......words from John Mayer:

"Who says I can't be free
From all of the things that I used to be
Rewrite my history
Who says I can't be free"

Amen ;)