Sunday, November 15, 2009

"Free from all the things that I used to be...."

On a whim Russ and I have decided to sell our house. No plan. No clue to where we will go. Idea? Yes. I kinda enjoy the shock on people's faces when they ask, "Where are y'all going to go!!?" Our reply, "Hmmm, good question." (insert gasp and shocked expression)

So much of my life has been a "plan." Married, house, car, job, dog, cat, and 2.5 kids. Oh yah, and we live happily ever after. Well, that plan doesn't seem to be working for me these days. Somewhere along the way a beautiful wrench got thrown into "the plan." One that at first, I thought was wrecking my life. The same wrench now that has actually saved my life.

I went to the Artist Studio Tour today with Russ. Probably not a good idea for someone as "manic" as myself. It makes me want to sell everything I have, move to the mountains, and become an artist. (Well, maybe Russ could be the artist....I can draw some bad ass pictures with Crayola markers though ;) Actually, not many know that I have an artistic flair.....used to win art competitions and such.....I'm getting back into it now. I finally saw art today that made my soul feel at peace. It's been a while since I've allowed myself to see beauty and to actually feel it. (If that makes sense)

I can't help but wonder why we put things on a "time-line?" Those are actually words of wisdom from my older sister for me when I was going through all the fertility junk. I find myself asking that same question now. I have NO clue what this life has in store for me. I can make all the "plans" in the world but that doesn't mean that they will go according to MY desire. This sounds like a pessimistic or anarchy outlook on life, but really it's not. Certain plans are good..."I plan on getting dressed this morning. Yes, good for me and everyone." ;) haha.....

I'm "chasing pavements" that may not lead to anywhere, but I keep chasing in search for the beauty that I know this life has to offer. Sometimes it's obvious and slaps you in the face, but most of the time you have to look closely and be patient. That's why I've missed so many beautiful moments (aka: total lack of patience) I was in such a rush for the next best thing that I couldn't see what was happening in the "now." It's usually in the "unplanned" moments that we discover something unique, challenging, or inspiring about ourselves. Yah, that would sum up the last 2 years of my life. Gotta love that "quarter life crisis."

I'm learning to appreciate those unplanned moments. It's not always easy. Hmmm, let's throw in some more "cliche quotes...." a personal favorite: Life is a journey not a destination. My journey is certainly a ride ;)

To wrap up my day today while sitting at a stop light on 34th Street......words from John Mayer:

"Who says I can't be free
From all of the things that I used to be
Rewrite my history
Who says I can't be free"

Amen ;)

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

When a "Sandstorm" moved in....

Conversation with parent 2 minutes before the bell:

Me: Good morning, this is Mrs. Sewell....
Parent: Ashley, just to let you know my child is bringing in a snake that she caught over the weekend. She has it in a container.
Me: Uhhhh...okay. How secure is the container?
Parent: Secure. I just thought I would give you a heads up.
Me: ****silent thought to myself: "deep breath, deep breath...@!!#@****

So here comes my little "friend" (that's the name for all my students) as happy as she can be! (Yes, one of my GIRLS caught this snake!!) I look at the little thing and shout "Dear Lord! Is that a RATTLE SNAKE!!???" She says, "Oh no Mrs. Sewell. It's a Bull Snake."

Our day goes on....Our snake seems content in his little plastic container chillin' out with his uneaten legless cricket friend (snack) who continues to twitch when I walk by. (gross) Here's the kicker and where people think I'm just being "soooo cool." Actually, this is where I'm a COMPLETE sucker! Or, I need to talk to my Dr. about my current medication working TOO well..(is THAT even possible?) I look into this precious child's eyes as she tells me that her mom and dad said NO WAY to the snake staying with them. In fact, the mother wouldn't even let her bring it in the house! (Gasp!!!) In this moment of weakness is where I say, "Ohhhh well, I guess we can keep him here. We have a great animal program so I'm sure we can get him a SECURE container. But, under NO circumstances will I touch, feed, or love on that thing. YOU will take care of him." Of course she promises to be totally responsible for our new pet...then I watch her float off on cloud 9....

****Flashback: Remember when you were a kid and you begged and pleaded for a puppy? You SWORE that you would take care of it, love it, walk it, play with it, oh and pick up it's poop. Yah, what happened 2 weeks later? Uh get where I'm headed with this. I fell for the OLDEST trick in the book...the promise to take care of a pet ;)*****

Well, "Sandstorm" is the newest addition to my classroom. I didn't discuss this living arrangement with my current salamander, Striper. Nor did I consult with the 2 box turtles, Leonardo and Michelangelo. (remind me to tell you a story about the 2 "easy" turtles I was suckered into this year as well....I'm seeing a pattern here) But after a current background check on this Bull Snake I made some startling discoveries that are SURE to terrify my current pets:

Bull Snake Background Check Results:

  • one of the most temperamental snakes of their kind..they are known for their "bad attitudes"
  • they will exceed (yes, I said exceed) 6 feet LONG..making them one of the largest snakes in the US
  • eat small mammals (like a kitten) and snakes. We should have named him "Jeffery"
  • it also cross dresses as a rattlesnake and likes to IMITATE them too ;)
So there you have it....."Sandstorm" the Bull snake has blown on in. I was told today that we can only keep him for a year and that ALL children will have to wear gloves to hold him (bad attitude=biter) Great.

Thank you for all the HILARIOUS comments on my facebook! I'll keep you updated on the Wild Kingdom that I call "my classroom"....

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Maccarroni on the side, spilled juice in the middle

I don't know what it is about fall that gets me so chatty. I laughed when I started feeling all "bloggy" tonight and I noticed that I started my blogspot in September of '08. And well, the fire usually dies out in ohhhhh December. But dang it, I have some stuff to say until then!!

It must be because I feel all "older" and "wiser" (since my birthday uhh.....well "birthday week" is in September) So here is a wiser blab....well, more like a mini-vent that I just need to "type" off my chest ;) It has a crazy happy ending though...

This year is a little "wowish" meaning I only have 2 years left in my 20's. "Not a big deal," you say??? Oh but it is. I'm pretty much the ONLY 28 year old in my circle of friends (with the exception of a few precious jewels that are in this boat with me) who have not jumped on the "mommy train." That hasn't been by choice either. Well, kinda. I tried wrecking my mind and body with hormones. I turned into the ultimate over-hormoned obsessed psycho beast. Gained a glorious 15 pounds that I have YET to get off. (that's another blog topic) So....I guess you can say that "I've given up" tossed that dream out the window.....and before you DARE say, "Ohhh that's when IT happens!!!" DON'T. That saying is enough to make me punch a stranger in the face.

Okay, so you're probably thinking I'm a little bitter? Hmmm....not exactly. More limbo, at a standstill, paused, but yet strangely okay, and slowly moving forward in an excited anxious way. Doesn't make sense, huh? Welcome to my life. Kinda fed up with the "decoding" that takes place with God. I had such a great conversation with one of my "non mommy friends" that really made me think. I'm not necessarily mad at God, just sorta spent...ya know? I'm tired of trying to decode all the messages, hear the illusive voice that doesn't seem to want to talk back, tired of "figuring out what this all means." etc. Don't get me wrong, I totally believe in Jesus, Holy Spirit, and God. I've been on both sides of the spectrum with spirituality......wild as all get out as far as I could get during one phase, then another phase where I was the girl who carried her Bible in her purse (with Tobi Mac blaring in my headphones) BOTH extremes weren't really "ME." So here I am, trying to find the balance, which is not easy. Another friend slapped me in the face the other night (without even knowing it) about my prayer life with God. She told me about how foolish it is to think that OUR plan is the SAME as HIS!!! Well.....DUH!!! Why didn't I think of that!? So why am I constantly WANTING something?? My prayers usually consist of "God, why are you wrecking my life and not giving me what I THINK I want???" Yah, ouch...petty stuff....Just like a little kid who doesn't understand that they can't eat candy for every meal. You get where I'm going.

So...28 and no kids. You plan just might be different than the "typical female" design. I love love love all my mommy friends and I learn so much from them every day but I have to stop comparing my life to theirs. I can't crawl into a corner when another friend pops up pregnant. I have to stop thinking that I'm worth less because I can't have my own child. I have to stop thinking I'm the defect. I'd like to think that God has a REALLY good sense of humor with me. His design for my life is unique. I'm not like the other kids. Never have been. Never will be. That's a beautiful messy thing. You know how you look at a painting made from a toddler or small child? The colors are all blended together, out of the lines, and well...messy, but yet so thought provoking and strangely beautiful? Yah, I wouldn't mind being compared to one of those paintings. I think God has JUST that picture of me on his fridge, with a maccaronni stain on the corner and some spilled juice in the middle. He smiles every time He sees it too....... ;)