"Free from all the things that I used to be...."

On a whim Russ and I have decided to sell our house. No plan. No clue to where we will go. Idea? Yes. I kinda enjoy the shock on people's faces when they ask, "Where are y'all going to go!!?" Our reply, "Hmmm, good question." (insert gasp and shocked expression)

So much of my life has been a "plan." Married, house, car, job, dog, cat, and 2.5 kids. Oh yah, and we live happily ever after. Well, that plan doesn't seem to be working for me these days. Somewhere along the way a beautiful wrench got thrown into "the plan." One that at first, I thought was wrecking my life. The same wrench now that has actually saved my life.

I went to the Artist Studio Tour today with Russ. Probably not a good idea for someone as "manic" as myself. It makes me want to sell everything I have, move to the mountains, and become an artist. (Well, maybe Russ could be the artist....I can draw some bad ass pictures with Crayola markers though ;) Actually, not many know that I have an artistic flair.....used to win art competitions and such.....I'm getting back into it now. I finally saw art today that made my soul feel at peace. It's been a while since I've allowed myself to see beauty and to actually feel it. (If that makes sense)

I can't help but wonder why we put things on a "time-line?" Those are actually words of wisdom from my older sister for me when I was going through all the fertility junk. I find myself asking that same question now. I have NO clue what this life has in store for me. I can make all the "plans" in the world but that doesn't mean that they will go according to MY desire. This sounds like a pessimistic or anarchy outlook on life, but really it's not. Certain plans are good..."I plan on getting dressed this morning. Yes, good for me and everyone." ;) haha.....

I'm "chasing pavements" that may not lead to anywhere, but I keep chasing in search for the beauty that I know this life has to offer. Sometimes it's obvious and slaps you in the face, but most of the time you have to look closely and be patient. That's why I've missed so many beautiful moments (aka: total lack of patience) I was in such a rush for the next best thing that I couldn't see what was happening in the "now." It's usually in the "unplanned" moments that we discover something unique, challenging, or inspiring about ourselves. Yah, that would sum up the last 2 years of my life. Gotta love that "quarter life crisis."

I'm learning to appreciate those unplanned moments. It's not always easy. Hmmm, let's throw in some more "cliche quotes...." a personal favorite: Life is a journey not a destination. My journey is certainly a ride ;)


To wrap up my day today while sitting at a stop light on 34th Street......words from John Mayer:

"Who says I can't be free
From all of the things that I used to be
Rewrite my history
Who says I can't be free"

Amen ;)

When a "Sandstorm" moved in....

Conversation with parent 2 minutes before the bell:

Me: Good morning, this is Mrs. Sewell....
Parent: Ashley, just to let you know my child is bringing in a snake that she caught over the weekend. She has it in a container.
Me: Uhhhh...okay. How secure is the container?
Parent: Secure. I just thought I would give you a heads up.
Me: ****silent thought to myself: "deep breath, deep breath...@!!#@****

So here comes my little "friend" (that's the name for all my students) as happy as she can be! (Yes, one of my GIRLS caught this snake!!) I look at the little thing and shout "Dear Lord! Is that a RATTLE SNAKE!!???" She says, "Oh no Mrs. Sewell. It's a Bull Snake."

Our day goes on....Our snake seems content in his little plastic container chillin' out with his uneaten legless cricket friend (snack) who continues to twitch when I walk by. (gross) Here's the kicker and where people think I'm just being "soooo cool." Actually, this is where I'm a COMPLETE sucker! Or, I need to talk to my Dr. about my current medication working TOO well..(is THAT even possible?) I look into this precious child's eyes as she tells me that her mom and dad said NO WAY to the snake staying with them. In fact, the mother wouldn't even let her bring it in the house! (Gasp!!!) In this moment of weakness is where I say, "Ohhhh well, I guess we can keep him here. We have a great animal program so I'm sure we can get him a SECURE container. But, under NO circumstances will I touch, feed, or love on that thing. YOU will take care of him." Of course she promises to be totally responsible for our new pet...then I watch her float off on cloud 9....

****Flashback: Remember when you were a kid and you begged and pleaded for a puppy? You SWORE that you would take care of it, love it, walk it, play with it, oh and pick up it's poop. Yah, what happened 2 weeks later? Uh huh...you get where I'm headed with this. I fell for the OLDEST trick in the book...the promise to take care of a pet ;)*****

Well, "Sandstorm" is the newest addition to my classroom. I didn't discuss this living arrangement with my current salamander, Striper. Nor did I consult with the 2 box turtles, Leonardo and Michelangelo. (remind me to tell you a story about the 2 "easy" turtles I was suckered into this year as well....I'm seeing a pattern here) But after a current background check on this Bull Snake I made some startling discoveries that are SURE to terrify my current pets:

Bull Snake Background Check Results:

• one of the most temperamental snakes of their kind..they are known for their "bad attitudes"

• they will exceed (yes, I said exceed) 6 feet LONG..making them one of the largest snakes in the US

• eat small mammals (like a kitten) and oh....baby snakes. We should have named him "Jeffery"

• it also cross dresses as a rattlesnake and likes to IMITATE them too ;)

So there you have it....."Sandstorm" the Bull snake has blown on in. I was told today that we can only keep him for a year and that ALL children will have to wear gloves to hold him (bad attitude=biter) Great.

Thank you for all the HILARIOUS comments on my facebook! I'll keep you updated on the Wild Kingdom that I call "my classroom"....

Maccarroni on the side, spilled juice in the middle

I don't know what it is about fall that gets me so chatty. I laughed when I started feeling all "bloggy" tonight and I noticed that I started my blogspot in September of '08. And well, the fire usually dies out in ohhhhh December. But dang it, I have some stuff to say until then!!

It must be because I feel all "older" and "wiser" (since my birthday uhh.....well "birthday week" is in September) So here is a wiser blab....well, more like a mini-vent that I just need to "type" off my chest ;) It has a crazy happy ending though...

This year is a little "wowish" meaning I only have 2 years left in my 20's. "Not a big deal," you say??? Oh but it is. I'm pretty much the ONLY 28 year old in my circle of friends (with the exception of a few precious jewels that are in this boat with me) who have not jumped on the "mommy train." That hasn't been by choice either. Well, kinda. I tried wrecking my mind and body with hormones. I turned into the ultimate over-hormoned obsessed psycho beast. Gained a glorious 15 pounds that I have YET to get off. (that's another blog topic) So....I guess you can say that "I've given up" tossed that dream out the window.....and before you DARE say, "Ohhh that's when IT happens!!!" DON'T. That saying is enough to make me punch a stranger in the face.

Okay, so you're probably thinking I'm a little bitter? Hmmm....not exactly. More like...in limbo, at a standstill, paused, but yet strangely okay, and slowly moving forward in an excited anxious way. Doesn't make sense, huh? Welcome to my life. Kinda fed up with the "decoding" that takes place with God. I had such a great conversation with one of my "non mommy friends" that really made me think. I'm not necessarily mad at God, just sorta spent...ya know? I'm tired of trying to decode all the messages, hear the illusive voice that doesn't seem to want to talk back, tired of "figuring out what this all means." etc. Don't get me wrong, I totally believe in Jesus, Holy Spirit, and God. I've been on both sides of the spectrum with spirituality......wild as all get out as far as I could get during one phase, then another phase where I was the girl who carried her Bible in her purse (with Tobi Mac blaring in my headphones) BOTH extremes weren't really "ME." So here I am, trying to find the balance, which is not easy. Another friend slapped me in the face the other night (without even knowing it) about my prayer life with God. She told me about how foolish it is to think that OUR plan is the SAME as HIS!!! Well.....DUH!!! Why didn't I think of that!? So why am I constantly WANTING something?? My prayers usually consist of "God, why are you wrecking my life and not giving me what I THINK I want???" Yah, ouch...petty stuff....Just like a little kid who doesn't understand that they can't eat candy for every meal. You get where I'm going.

So...28 and no kids. You know...my plan just might be different than the "typical female" design. I love love love all my mommy friends and I learn so much from them every day but I have to stop comparing my life to theirs. I can't crawl into a corner when another friend pops up pregnant. I have to stop thinking that I'm worth less because I can't have my own child. I have to stop thinking I'm the defect. I'd like to think that God has a REALLY good sense of humor with me. His design for my life is unique. I'm not like the other kids. Never have been. Never will be. That's a beautiful messy thing. You know how you look at a painting made from a toddler or small child? The colors are all blended together, out of the lines, and well...messy, but yet so thought provoking and strangely beautiful? Yah, I wouldn't mind being compared to one of those paintings. I think God has JUST that picture of me on his fridge, with a maccaronni stain on the corner and some spilled juice in the middle. He smiles every time He sees it too....... ;)

Thank You Boys

I admire boys.

No, this is not your typical "bash the male species" blog...this is a more or less "I'm thankful for men moments." Why did I have this strange epiphany? I mean don't get me wrong...I have my total "Ugh, you've got to be kidding me moments" with men (I know I know...even with Russell ;)....but today I felt like giving them props.

What do I admire about males?

Well, for one....they can totally pee standing up, but that's a different story. Men in general tell it like it is. For example, if another male becomes frustrated with another male they generally:
A. confront the other bluntly ("Dude...what's up with _______?")
B. fist fight and get over it
C. brush it off and go on.
In the end....no matter what option they choose they can totally get over their crap and go get a beer in the end.

Women? Noooooooo freakin' way. We get mad at each other or have our feelings hurt by the other and:
A. hold a grudge till death (usually over a simple misunderstanding and lack of communication)
B. talk crap behind each other's back
C. lie and say we're not mad but continue to act like a wet cat
D. ignore the other on purpose
E. you know as well as I do this list could go on and on and on and on......we are creative in our ways to "get back"for hurt feelings...

This is not true for every female....but in "general" we are known for being "catty." I'm discovering however, the older I get, the less time I have to play into snippy female drama. I've totally had my fair share and started plenty...I'll admit. But now, I'm learning to let the small stuff go...not saying all the time because let's face it....we ARE wired differently than men and I have short circuits....and yes estrogen can wreck your world. But does that wiring really have to be frayed all the time and so quickly? Do we have to get in a tizzy and immediately result to A,B,C,D or E?

Let's just tell it like it is...say what's up without resulting to A,B,C,D, or E....if I tick you off let me know... and let's go get a beer.

Thank you boys.....especially to the boys who recognize that yes, we are "gentle" creatures but encourage us to grow some thicker skin every now and then.

On the verge....

I can't really say it's a "quarter life crisis"....I had that when I turned 25, my hair started turning brown so I cut it off...thus starting the "I'm going to change my cut and color every 5 weeks trend."

So what is this urge to wear giant plastic earrings, 50 bracelets, strange clothes (that are border line unprofessional being a 2nd grade teacher) AND have ANOTHER urge to just cut all my hair off again...not to mention the urge to go crazy on a few new tattoos???

The strangest urge is the one where I'm looking for a new job. And not just another teaching job. I mean a new career..... Honestly it has nothing to do with where I teach, nor the people I teach with. I couldn't be more blessed to be where I'm at. I'm in a great highly sought after district and I teach with my best friends. But yet.......I'm starting to feel smothered. Like I'm a big ol' lump of mashed potatoes with 20 lbs of gravy pouring on top of me and I can't break free. Maybe it's just the "stress" but don't we have that in ANY career? Why is mine so pressing all of a sudden? Why do I feel like I can't breath in the morning when I'm on my way to work? I think it's because I get told how to do my job every day by "unqualified" people ....either by people who haven't sat in a classroom in the last 20 years or by parents who don't trust a single decision I make....and not to mention a scary generation that is being taught that it is "all about them"....anything they want they can have...scary...

Do you remember getting in trouble as a kid in school? I was a lil' chatty..imagine that...and well, when my teacher got on to me you could BET I was in trouble when I got home. There were no questions about the teachers intent....I broke a rule and my parents were on that teacher's side no matter what...not to mention my lil' butt was getting a well deserved spanking when I got home. NOT today. Good grief....if a child gets in trouble you as a teacher better have a 5 page report typed up on why they got in trouble, get ready to hear from that parent with a 20 minute phone call and you know another phone call that will go to the principal, documentation of what the child's emotional status was at the time, and a pro-active self improvement plan for the child. Oh, and what kind of "trouble" are we speakin' of? Lil' Johnny was talking in class so you marked his character card. Sheesh..I lawsuit is even pending for not allowing freedom of speech.

****Disclaimer: I really do have some amazing kids in my classroom and I think I'm a pretty darn good teacher. I've been blessed by many of these kids and their parents....sadly, our profession has an alarming turn-over rate...and the 5th year is when we see these good teachers jump ship****

I know that we are supposed to take one day at a time...I think the Bible even has a handy dandy scripture on that somewhere....but Oh my gosh....this is only my 4th year....I cannot simply fathom the next 30. I'll be bald. I feel like I'm in a room with 20 barn yard animals trying to get the chickens to act like cows, and trying to make cows grow wings.

My hubby wrote a blog a couple of weeks ago about pursuing our passions and our dreams.

I'm pursuing something different with an education degree.....

Playlist...

My husband refers to me as the "music snob"....there are many reasons for that, one being that I'm just a music junkie and I know more music than he does....he...he...not to mention I like to laugh at him when he tries to sing the words to a song that he doesn't know. (secretly....I do the same thing...make up my own words...I just don't do it around anyone else) I would say that I have an extensive collection of random hodge-podge music interests...imagine that, me...random.

I don't buy whole albums...I pick and chose what I like...then click that "cheap" 99cent button on itunes...and voila! Oh gosh...and when i-tunes came out with Genius..that rocked my whole freakin' world right there.

Finding new music is pretty much my best day. Goin' to listen to live music is even better.

Right now I'm way into the "female angry/sometimes calm indie rock".....and a few mellow male tunes too....but mostly stickin' with my comfort in the indie genre...fall is my mellow season.

So....I'm always curious to know what my other friends are listening to???? What's on your playlist??

Here are my new favorite finds:

• The WHOLE entire album 19 by Adele . (I know...I don't buy albums but this one is uh-freakin'-mazing)
• Last Request by Paolo Nutini
• Starlight by Muse
• Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John
• All That You Have is Your Soul by Tracy Chapman
• I Turn My Camera On by Spoon
• She's Only Happy in the Sun by Ben Harper
• Hide and Seek, Clear the Area, and Goodnight and Go by Imogen Heap
• Hold You in my Arms by Ray LaMontagne
• Trying to Put Your Heart Back Together by Mermaids
• They, and Come on Closer by Jem
• Giving Up by Ingrid Mechaelson
• Sweeter Than This by Katie Herzig
• Silver Lining by Rilo Kiley

Professional Babysitter

A friend referred to my 2nd grade students today as....and I quote....

"ankle biting curtain climbers"

I couldn't have laughed harder....

My students are really precious on most days. But, you think I babysit all day? Come and watch. Oh yah....and don't mind that I went to college for 4 years to teach...."aaaaaaannnnnny body" can sit around and watch 22 kids ;)

On weeks like this I could switch professions...."Would you like paper or plastic??" Hmph...